I signed it

It seemed pretty easy to do for some reason. I am not sure why, but there was very little feeling about it. Perhaps so much time had passed that it seemed like a regular business transaction, like closing a bank account or cashing out an investment that you had for a long time. I made a few excuses quietly to myself as to why I felt the way I did. I believed it may be because of how far I had come, how hard it was and now it isn't or maybe I had just gotten over it. Whatever the reason, I thought I must be going through the motions in a non-heartfelt kind of way because there was no sadness left inside of me. There was no sadness until hours later.

When I had time to stop, time to sit back away from the business of the day and reflect for just a second, I began to realize that I had not been as easy come easy go as I thought I had. I think we all do that, reflect when we have that spare moment in the day when there is noone needing an answer or a task completed.

I thought about how it was supposed to be and what fell short. What I had hoped for in the beginning and how I tried to hang on. I tried so very hard to remember the good parts, which I grasped to remember more than two. I assured myself I had did what I could, and that it was for the best, but it was sad. It is sad when things end, especially the things you thought should or would not, even when there was pain. I went through the last 15 years of my life trying to recount what had happened and why this is right and there was no question there was no other choice. I tried, in the end it wasn't my choice. It is sad, but it is also the start of a new beginning. A beginning that has given more good memories than I had ever thought possible.