It seemed pretty easy to do for some reason. I am not sure why, but there was very little feeling about it. Perhaps so much time had passed that it seemed like a regular business transaction, like closing a bank account or cashing out an investment that you had for a long time. I made a few excuses quietly to myself as to why I felt the way I did. I believed it may be because of how far I had come, how hard it was and now it isn't or maybe I had just gotten over it. Whatever the reason, I thought I must be going through the motions in a non-heartfelt kind of way because there was no sadness left inside of me. There was no sadness until hours later.
When I had time to stop, time to sit back away from the business of the day and reflect for just a second, I began to realize that I had not been as easy come easy go as I thought I had. I think we all do that, reflect when we have that spare moment in the day when there is noone needing an answer or a task completed.
I thought about how it was supposed to be and what fell short. What I had hoped for in the beginning and how I tried to hang on. I tried so very hard to remember the good parts, which I grasped to remember more than two. I assured myself I had did what I could, and that it was for the best, but it was sad. It is sad when things end, especially the things you thought should or would not, even when there was pain. I went through the last 15 years of my life trying to recount what had happened and why this is right and there was no question there was no other choice. I tried, in the end it wasn't my choice. It is sad, but it is also the start of a new beginning. A beginning that has given more good memories than I had ever thought possible.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
2008 in Review
2008 has tip toed out of our lives and into our memories. I think many people had a tough time in 2008 economically and are hoping 2009 will bring them back to where they were or at least show some positive signs that they are getting somewhere. I think the next two years will be a time for people to appreciate what they have and learn that more "stuff" doesn't always bring happiness into their lives. Unfortuntely for many, it takes a significant life event to make you realize that.
The holidays in general are a time when much of society feels that more stuff will make the time spent with family much more special. The more stuff under the tree signifies a great Christmas for many and in fact, the whole entire season is chalked up to good or bad based on how much "stuff" we have. Every year I try to fight this by scaling back from the year before and trying to stay with the 1 big present, 1 medium present and 1 small present concept for the kids. However, with relatives in the mix the "stuff" factor tends to increase more than I had initially planned it to be. I suppose at least with scaling back on my end the overall amount of "stuff" decreases. Let me just put this into a more real context.
This year, even though the family goal was to scale back to focus less on the stuff and more of what Christmas means and enjoying time together the children recieved "Laptops" after visiting Grand Parents in another city. Do children who are 11 and 9 require laptops I ask myself? Do the pink and blue laptops tell a story all by themselves as many of us believe we must be connected to the outside, unfeeling world that the internet has to offer. The analogy I keep using is like this. If I don't let my children over two streets when playing outside at their own home, why is it okay to play in the backyards of people who live half way around the world or even in the next city?
I believe having a computer in the home to use on occasion is a great tool and asset, but do children need their own personal device to do this? I cringe at the thought of children laying on their bed surfing the net, trying to find who knows what on the internet. Of course they may use it for school purposes, to chat with family members and become tech savy individuals. However, does an abundance of information need to be available to them whereever they may want to roam about - any where in the home? What happened to the good old days when children simply played outside and dreamed about building things they had never even imagined before. They played games they created by simply combining ones they already knew of or by just taking whatever was being done or played that day and spawning a game from it. Much imagination and social skill learning time is spent outside the walls of any building when you are a child and technology does not necessarily promote it from what I can tell. Computers tend to allow people to do less with the people that are most important, the ones you love and are just in the next room.
What I am trying to point out here, by ranting away, is that more stuff does not always have the effects we would like it to so into 2009 we may want to keep that thought in our back pockets and refer to it from time to time.
There is one thing that I have to include in this first blog of the year that I am compelled to write. As 2008 is now just a memory, I hope that I have made the right choices and changes in my life as I move forward. I believe I have. I believe I have tried to do the right thing, to be fair and understanding to everyone and especially the people in my life that make up the most important aspects. I do believe that I have stuggled with some decisions and feelings over the last year and hope that I have done the right thing. I am still unsure of many things, but as time passes I become more confident of my direction.
I am sure in your own life you have some of those same feelings and if you are anything like me you sit back occasionally and try to look at your decisions and the outcomes thus far from multiple angles. If you don't, you are lucky, because I think that must an easier road - at least in the short term :)
Here's to 2009 and all the twists and turns it has to offer us all. I know it will be better than 2008... Why you ask? Because lately that has been trend :)
The holidays in general are a time when much of society feels that more stuff will make the time spent with family much more special. The more stuff under the tree signifies a great Christmas for many and in fact, the whole entire season is chalked up to good or bad based on how much "stuff" we have. Every year I try to fight this by scaling back from the year before and trying to stay with the 1 big present, 1 medium present and 1 small present concept for the kids. However, with relatives in the mix the "stuff" factor tends to increase more than I had initially planned it to be. I suppose at least with scaling back on my end the overall amount of "stuff" decreases. Let me just put this into a more real context.
This year, even though the family goal was to scale back to focus less on the stuff and more of what Christmas means and enjoying time together the children recieved "Laptops" after visiting Grand Parents in another city. Do children who are 11 and 9 require laptops I ask myself? Do the pink and blue laptops tell a story all by themselves as many of us believe we must be connected to the outside, unfeeling world that the internet has to offer. The analogy I keep using is like this. If I don't let my children over two streets when playing outside at their own home, why is it okay to play in the backyards of people who live half way around the world or even in the next city?
I believe having a computer in the home to use on occasion is a great tool and asset, but do children need their own personal device to do this? I cringe at the thought of children laying on their bed surfing the net, trying to find who knows what on the internet. Of course they may use it for school purposes, to chat with family members and become tech savy individuals. However, does an abundance of information need to be available to them whereever they may want to roam about - any where in the home? What happened to the good old days when children simply played outside and dreamed about building things they had never even imagined before. They played games they created by simply combining ones they already knew of or by just taking whatever was being done or played that day and spawning a game from it. Much imagination and social skill learning time is spent outside the walls of any building when you are a child and technology does not necessarily promote it from what I can tell. Computers tend to allow people to do less with the people that are most important, the ones you love and are just in the next room.
What I am trying to point out here, by ranting away, is that more stuff does not always have the effects we would like it to so into 2009 we may want to keep that thought in our back pockets and refer to it from time to time.
There is one thing that I have to include in this first blog of the year that I am compelled to write. As 2008 is now just a memory, I hope that I have made the right choices and changes in my life as I move forward. I believe I have. I believe I have tried to do the right thing, to be fair and understanding to everyone and especially the people in my life that make up the most important aspects. I do believe that I have stuggled with some decisions and feelings over the last year and hope that I have done the right thing. I am still unsure of many things, but as time passes I become more confident of my direction.
I am sure in your own life you have some of those same feelings and if you are anything like me you sit back occasionally and try to look at your decisions and the outcomes thus far from multiple angles. If you don't, you are lucky, because I think that must an easier road - at least in the short term :)
Here's to 2009 and all the twists and turns it has to offer us all. I know it will be better than 2008... Why you ask? Because lately that has been trend :)
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